Happy Holidays!

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Lots of health, happiness, luck, and love in the year ahead.
Enjoy the celebrations!

Out of the Loop

Lately, when I have visited my parents and sister in Brussels, I have noticed one thing: I feel out of the loop. They have their inside jokes, their way of talking to each other (my sister often scolding my dad in a manner that would have been completely foreign a few years ago), topics they discuss over dinner, things that they feel passionate about. Often, I find myself not having the slightest idea that they cared about this or that issue. That this or that happened to my mom the other day. It is only normal, I know. After all, they live together and I haven't been living with them since Aug. 1997. There are bound to be a lot of things that I miss out on that go on in my family. Just as there are a lot of things that they miss out on in my day-to-day life.

When I first realized that I was no longer going to be part of this family in the same way (sometime during my second semester in college), I almost panicked. The thought really scared me. It was overwhelming to think of myself as being on my own from now on. (Of course, I was not and am not on my own in that literal way, but you probably know what I mean... it's the fact that the people who have been closest to you your whole life won't know when you are happy or sad, pensive or in need of conversation...the subtleties of one's life are lost to them (as are theirs to me)). I slowly came to accept that that's just the way it was going to be... and that it happens to everyone sooner or later. For me, it just happened much sooner, but that wasn't necessarily a negative thing.

But back to today. This is not really a complaint so much as an observation. I do feel out of the loop sometimes. I do catch myself surprised by certain things when I visit. I sometimes even try to search my memory for any recollection of how things used to be when I lived with my parents. Have things really changed that much? Or have I or my perceptions changed? It is a thought-memory game one could play for hours.

In the end, I just come to the conclusion that despite these "holes" in my collective family experience, the vital supporting structure is still there. In the end, the holes don't matter so much because they can easily be filled. And that will be the case no matter how much time has passed. That's the amazing thing about family.

Sometimes I Wish We Could Be More Like the Belgians

Why? Because when it comes to being environmentally conscious, they along with the Germans lead the way in Europe. Recycling is standard fare, littering is close to non-existent, and today, I witnessed something else that increased my admiration in that respect. Given the lack of wind the past few days, much of Belgium has been blanketed with smog. In order not to aggravate the situation, speed limits have been decreased to 90 km/h on all highways (and lower in the cities) ... and people actually adhere to these lower speed limits. In comparison, when smog levels were higher than usual in Sofia's city center, all the municipality did was issue a warning. Not that setting some kind of restriction would have helped given the usual lack of enforcement. That is one thing I wish all Bulgarians (especially in Bulgaria) could become more of: environmentally conscious.

Crossing the Atlantic

After exactly four months in the U.S., I again boarded a plane to cross the Atlantic. Despite all my occasional complaints about the hassle of packing, airport security, and how much stuff I usually carry around, it felt good and refreshing to board a plane and to be part of the travel world again. Time to myself, time to think, time to just relax and not worry about anything for 7 hrs. Time to feel truly international as people from all over the world pass you at the airport, announcements in different languages get made over the intercom, and scenes from various travel locations attract your attention from posters and TV screens. That's why I like flying, and that's why I don't mind flying by myself. It's my best people-watching occasion :)

I did stop to think, however, how we just take air travel for granted these days. It has become so much a part of our life - like boarding a bus - that we tend to forget that there was a time when it was not quite as accessible. A time when it was a novelty that brought with it all the thrill and excitement that only something truly novel can bring. I try to remind myself of that whenever I can...because the situation in which travel is missing from my life is truly inconceivable.

To everyone traveling over the holidays: Bon Voyage! And if some travel hassle starts getting to you, just breathe and remember that things could be worse, especially if we had no opportunity to travel at all.

Desperation Is...

A male iPhone-owning U.S. teenager resorting to reading celebrity gossip magazines on a transatlantic flight after borrowing them from a middle-aged woman across the aisle.

(Prior to resorting to such "drastic action" he had attempted sleeping in many different positions by shifting and turning in every way possible, and nudging me in the process. I was happy when he finally quieted down to Britney Spears and Branjolina.)

Turning a Negative into a Positive

Often, we focus on the negative rather than the positive in a given situation. Well, our pilot yesterday definitely decided he was taking everything in a positive light. We boarded on time, but then spent the next 40 mins waiting on board as stray bags made their way to the flight individually it would seem. The pilot would announce we were ready to push off, then would tell us that he had been told to wait for two more bags....one more bag...three more bags, and so it went. In the end I guess, even he got a little bit frustrated. Finally, he announced, "Folks, I am told this is the absolute final bag and then we can push off. So I need everyone to think that this is their bag that just made the flight. That way, everyone should be happy." Way to turn a negative into a positive.

Catch-Up

Apologies for my somewhat extended absence. Wrapping up the semester proved a little bit harder than I had anticipated. But now it is all over...or at least until January, when we return for our final exams. But that is four weeks away, so no need to dwell on it now. Currently, am spending my time in New York, where it is quite cold. However, even the freezing wind seems to have no effect on the avid shoppers who have taken to the Manhattan streets en masse. It is amazing how people will stand in line for hours just to enter a toy store or the Apple store. Yeah, they are that dedicated to spending money. I could launch into a long discussion of U.S. consumerism... but will save that for a rainy day. Hope you are all well and have gotten that Christmas shopping done :)

What Made My Day Today

This is Knut... the famous polar bear from the Berlin Zoo (famous for having been rejected by his mother at birth and then caused a scandal revolving around the issue of whether humans should take care of/raise him or whether they should just let him die...crazy, I know). Here, Knut is celebrating his first birthday...with a wooden candle and fish salad. Germans sure know how to give even animals the right treatment. I almost wish I could be in Knut's place. My mind can't even begin to fathom this happening at the zoo in Sofia, for example. (Not that we even have polar bears, as far as I know.) What I found even funnier though is that apparently Knut is also a fellow blog-writer: http://blog.rbb-online.de/roller/knut/category/General. Now how is that for bear dexterity?

Stress-Relief "Wisdom"

I have found myself complaining and stressing out more about school work over the past week than I normally do, which has been duly noted by some people. At moments, the sheer magnitude of my to-do list and the timeframe within which it must be completed seems large enough to knock me over. But then I pause and think:
1) When else will I get paid to study and take advantage of all these academic resources? (let alone play an EU Commissioner at a mock policy simulation on the landmine ban treaty or investigate whether Fox News swung the 2000 Presidential vote?)
2) Isn't the gratification of being done so much greater after you have been under pressure, constantly doing things, and sleeping insufficiently for a few days?

Yes, I am trying to tell myself that right now :)

Happy First Snow!

To all those in Princeton and the East Coast where it snowed, hope you enjoy those lovely white fluffy flakes. I know I am. I just wish there was more of it. This definitely calls for a walk in the woods (or park if you are in an urban setting).

Let the magic begin.

Breaking Even

Pride – is it necessary?
Hurt – is it real?
Words – are they honest?
Thoughts – are they pure?

Guilt – is it natural?
Anger – is it forced?
Betrayal – can it be forgiven?
Friendship – is it true?

When love is all you have
And love is what you lose
The end is all you see
The past is what you crave

The questions never stop
The answers never come
The doubts just settle in
The heaviness just grows

Look back, accept,
Shake off, and choose.

The habit or the unknown.

(Dedicated to a friend who has been through a lot but needs to remember to look forward.)

Immune to the Cold?

I have come to the conclusion that American women possess some kind of gene (or immunity) against the cold that the rest of the female (and even male) world does not possess. Only here have I seen women walk around or wait in the line of a club in a tank top and barefoot in the middle of winter. Granted, they may be cold, but they don't show it. And the craziest thing is that they don't get sick either! (Compare this to Bulgarians' fear of cold air and drafts that I posted about a few months back.) And here I am worrying about how I will get to our formal party tomorrow night in a cocktail dress and high-heeled shoes. No, I can't wear stockings, and, yes, I will wear my longest and warmest winter coat...but still, don't think that will be enough given that I wasn't born and raised here.