Life Longevity Correlated with Failed Marriages?
I saw an interesting argument being made on TV today: that because life expectancy for both men and women has gone up over time, if you marry in your 20s, you now most likely have a much longer time to spend with your spouse than before when life expectancy was lower. This apparently might contribute to the higher number of failed marriages. Hmmm..... I had never really thought about it in those terms. It does make sense to some degree, but at the same time I am not sure I really buy that argument. After all, I think most marriages end (if they do indeed end at all) 5-15 years into marriage, not at age 50 when you realize "Oh my God, I still have probably another 20 years to spend with this person at least." That's my take on it. But I'd be curious to hear what you think. Do you think there is something to that argument that higher life expectancy might be contributing to a higher number of failed marriages?
5 comments:
Agree with you.
Funny, we had this discussion yesterday with some friends, everyone thinking that it is a bit funny/weird to decide at 50-55 that you and your spouse's characters do not exactly match.
Ehm, also I do not know if *finance*, longevity and length of marriage are correlated. What I mean is, that lately, I ve seen many ppl, at least over here, getting married and having children despite not being able to support a family financially but with the help of parents from both sides, or one person actually having the 'permanent' job, the other raising the children.
Argument on the table that the financial hardships are only getting worse and they cannot wait for ever until they have children.
Now this is a step back, depending on someone financially, worse on his/her family, I find it a bit oppressive. But it definetely ties you to that person -again in a way I absolutely despise.
One thing that is for sure, if one has her/his financial independence, they divorce far more easily.
What I cannot put my finger on, is how a person who supports another one or is supported by another one feels after 20, 30, 40 years.
I really do not want though on the other hand to judge someone finding their way when they are 55+. Whatever serves anyone the best. Emotionally speaking, I would hate it, I would feel deceived and abandoned if after so many years my partner left me. Yet, I ve seen some old women, an example is a woman in my neighborhood, that when her kind of oppressive husband died, she really entered a new stage in her life. She s been a widow since she was 60 and now she is 90. That is freaking 30 years of what she describes as the best years of her life.
Of course, different age group a different reality for her generation and all.
Oh I do not know :/
Let the social scientists speak..
Some people DECIDE that one person will be the breadwinner so that any children have a parent at home all the time and there is a lot to be said for that. So don't think I would dismiss that model quite as summarily as trol seems to.
I think success here depends more on the reasons and psychological impact those reasons have. With many things, if you feel you are forced into the situation and did not CHOOSE it, you sooner or later begin to resent the perceived (rightly or wrongly) causes of that situation. I think this is less so if you know it was your decision and something you wanted.
I don't think I entirely buy the tie to life longevity. Like people pointed out, most people seem to call it quits much earlier. If anything, I should think the later in life you are, the more likely you are to stay in a less-than-satisfying situation. No one wants to be alone at a certain age and our expectations for the relationship change with age, too.
I would think it would pretty easy to find statistics on what age or what length of relationship has the highest divorce rate. I would guess the peak to be in the 30s/40s.
I think the divorce rate has more to do with vanishing stigma attached to divorce, combined with the vanishing stigma for unmarried women.
Also, the age which we consider "old" has risen, so someone in their 40's still sees lots ahead of them and isn't considered "too old". In that respect life longevity may indirectly influence it, but more from the perception of "old" itself and less by counting the number of years left with a person.
heinz
Oh that was so eloquently & clearly written, it puts my words to shame. Agree a lot with Heinz actually, and no I cannot yet decide to dismiss the model I have described, for one thing it is as pragmatic as it can get, and also it works, I see it all around. But yes it can become tricky as in to what situation you might find yourself in after some years. All in all, I would say the best recipe has been for years to speak up if sth is bothering you, and of course to be open to the other's person's needs. Yeah, I know, basic things, but more than any other time I think now a successful marriage does not depend so much on similarity of backgrounds (though it helps) but on the abilitiy to communicate, adapt, compromise, etc.
Thanks! And I'm glad my thoughts resonated with you a little. It's a hard decision to make since it is so permanent. I think one compromise could be if it were possible for one partner to work from home. I think the liklyhood of resenting things is smaller is you feel like you are working/contributing/developing yourself. Resentment, I think, comes from feeling stuck and without options for change. So obviously, if you start feeling stuck someone needs to say someone and find other options - we definitely agree on that one!
heinz
I really feel like I have nothing more to add to what you both said. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I love it when that happens.
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