Home is Where the [____] Is

Yesterday, I finished a Knowledge@Wharton article on one of my favorite topics: where is home once you have spent a significant portion of your life outside the country you were born in? Is there such a thing or are you sentenced to the life of a global nomad? And is the longing to go "home" (meaning the country you were born in) completely irrational? Should you stay or should you go back?

Readers who have followed this blog know that I often think about and discuss these things. After all, in 2006 I made the decision to go back to Bulgaria, at least temporarily, to see for myself what it would be like to live and work there. To check out the real life, so to speak, not the life fringed with nostalgia that I remembered from before leaving to come to the U.S. for college, when my parents took care of me, I didn't have to worry about earning a living, paying the bills, and all the other things that "grown-ups" have to deal with. I was also determined once and for all to answer the question, "Where should I live long-term?" Bulgaria, the U.S., or somewhere else altogether?

The conclusion I came to after a year back home is that the question is incorrectly worded and that there is no answer really. I have lived comfortably and quite happily in the U.S. I saw that I could live quite happily in Bulgaria too. I have enjoyed living in other countries, like Germany, Spain and Zimbabwe. Each one has its positive and negative sides. No location is perfect. What I have found though is that the more the search for the "place to settle down in" continues, the more places I explore, the more difficult the decision becomes. As your eyes are opened to more opportunities, you want to take all of these into account when making your next job search or school decision. More opportunity is fantastic, but at the same time makes everything all that more complicated. I am sure that if I had simply stayed in Bulgaria I would not even have these things on my mind right now. I am not saying that's a good thing though. Of course, I would rather be broad- than narrow-minded. But as people often claim, it is the fools that are most happy. Does knowing and experiencing so much take away from our ability to be truly happy in any one place?

When I am here I miss things from Bulgaria - the more relaxed atmosphere, the social life, even the way things are dysfunctional sometimes. When I was in Bulgaria I missed the multicultural environment in the U.S., the hustle and bustle, the ability to achieve once you set your mind on something, and not be impeded by stupid little things. In a sense, I am always on the wrong side of the ocean. Since Bulgaria though, I have come to accept this fact. It won't change. I have also come to accept that concluding where to live long-term is irrational. These days, with people moving around so frequently and so many global opportunities, I don't think there is such a thing as long-term settling down in one place. Most of our generation has turned into global citizens (however cliched that may sound) and instead of making the decision to move from once city in Bulgaria to another, or maybe one city in Europe to another, we are criss-crossing continents, and this is normal. So where I go after school (a question I have gotten from quite a few people already) will depend largely on circumstances and my priorities at the time I graduate, be they personal or professional. We'll see. I am not afraid of the questions marks like I used to be. It may be tough not knowing where your life will take you next sometimes, but it is also extremely exciting.

So, where is home? To me, home is where I feel I can truly be myself (that "self" having evolved somewhat in the last 10 years). Home is also where I have people around me that I can call at any hour of the day or night and know they will be there for me. Home is where I can grow as a person and not simply tread in one place. By these definitions, home can be (and is) many different places. I don't have to pick one. I know that now.

What defines home for you?

I Am Back (from the Library)

Apologies for my lack of posts the past 10 days. Unfortunately, the academic calendar at Princeton is such that we have finals after our Christmas break. So that's what I was subjecting myself to the past 1.5 weeks. And the library became my second home, as some classmates pointed out. So, instead of subjecting you to talk about micro and statistics, I opted for silence. And as soon as I get an inspiration, you will be sure to hear about it. I am off to DC this weekend so maybe I will stumble upon some fodder there. Enjoy your weekends!

The Humor Is in the Sign

Here are examples of a few signs and notices that made me laugh lately. Apologies to the non-Bulgarian speakers for most of what is written on them is in Bulgarian and wouldn't be nearly as funny if I tried to translate it. Click on the image to view an enlarged version.

#1: The promised copy of the Bansko ski lift card. Pay close attention to the English translation. If you'd never heard of "fall out electricity" and "put aside arrangement", well, now you have:


#2: A note from a "friendly" neighbor left one day on a friend's door. He wasn't even home that day or night:


#3: Sign in an elevator. I really hope I never get stuck in this particular one and get to experience the service of вадене на хора:

You Never Know Who Might Be Sitting Next to You

A woman in her 30s was sitting next to me on my flight back to the U.S. I took a liking to her because she immediately smiled and said "hi" as she sat down. (Lately, most flight companions I have had have simply ignored my presence. Not that I necessarily want to spend the duration of the flight talking to the person next to me, but a simple acknowledgment would be nice.) We exchanged a few comments here and there but it was during the last hour of the flight that we really got talking. The conversation started when she asked me to help her fill out her immigration paperwork. Turned out that she was from Rwanda. (I had never met anyone from Rwanda up until that point.) She was going to study Theology in Tulsa, Oklahoma. So she asked me if I was Christian. I told her yes, but I am not very religious. I explained that hardly anyone in Bulgaria is. She looked at me as if almost feeling sorry for me that religion wasn't a big part of my life. I later learned that she was a pastor. The conversation then turned to family. She asked me how many brothers and sisters I had. I told her I had only one sister. Again, she seemed to feel sorry for me. I know most African families have many children so I asked her how many siblings she had. She replied that she used to have 15 but now has only 3 sisters. The rest were all killed in the genocide. She added, "Twenty people in my family were killed." She said it so matter-of-factly, without exhibiting any emotion. I was caught unprepared. Of course, I have read much about the genocide; I have also watched Hotel Rwanda that illustrates the atrocities quite graphically, but still, having this woman tell me that she had lost 12 brothers and sisters made it all significantly more real and horrifying to me. The people killed weren't merely faceless statistics or actors on the movie screen. They were the flesh and blood of the woman I had spent 8.5 hrs sitting next to. And I felt sad, but I couldn't do anything. I mean what do you say to someone who tells you they lost so many family members in a genocide? It's not a situation you are faced with frequently.

As we left the airplane she commented, "You are very tall, just like the women in my country." I asked her, "What about the men, are they tall?" She replied, "Only the Tutsi." Then added, "That's why it was easier to kill them, they were less nimble and couldn't hide as easily." Again, I was left speechless. Somehow, I was surprised by the matter-of-fact way she told me these things. But then again, if you have experienced such horror you probably try to distance yourself from it, numb yourself in a way. Who am I to know or judge?

To Josephine, I wish you all the best in your future.

Bulgaria: Mini-Evaluation Four Months On

My stay in Bulgaria this time around felt incredibly short. Granted, it was only 10 days, but it felt much much shorter. Perhaps, as someone close to me surmised, it is because I spent 11 months there not too long ago. Could be. During these 10 days, I managed to finally experience the “new” Bansko (currently, the biggest ski resort in Bulgaria located in the Pirin mountains in the south) – where I spent two days skiing – catch up with quite a few friends (but saw some of them only once, unfortunately), brave the Sofia streets (and sidewalks) with heaps of snow, sleet and some ice, and be lucky enough to both land and take off from Sofia airport with only small delays, missing the worst of the foggy and snowy days but still having to almost elbow my way through the crowds in the departure hall. I guess some things never change. No matter how fancy and modern-looking the airport is, there are still some things that catch the personnel there by surprise (and they shouldn’t given that they happen each and every year). With many flights delayed or cancelled (due to poor weather conditions or few confirmed passengers) around the holidays, the airport is probably twice if not three times as crowded as I have ever seen it. And everything takes a while. From check-in, to being let through to queue up in the security line, through to the security check itself. Patience is definitely a virtue in Sofia these days (as I already mentioned in my last post) and something that most Bulgarians seem to lack, almost by birth it would seem.

But let me not focus on the negatives, for there were quite a few positives to my stay as well. I was pleasantly surprised by the skiing conditions in Bansko. Of course, there is still room for improvement, especially as far as the translations of signs and notices is concerned (more on that in a future post, in which I also plan to include a scanned copy of the ski lift card, with a truly priceless English translation), but on the whole it is a pleasant and respectable ski resort. I had heard many horror stories about how over-developed it had become and was somewhat dreading seeing this “horrible mess”. Yes, it is much more developed; it is by no stretch of the imagination the peaceful village it once was. But it is also not that horrible either. Most of the hotels and condo buildings are built in an architectural style that resembles the traditional architecture in Bansko and thankfully do not stick out like sore thumbs (as do most hotels and other constructions on the Black Sea coast). My only complaint would be that the current and even new infrastructure (including the gondola up to the slopes) has not really been built to fit the extended capacity of all these hotels and condos. If they were all filled, I am not sure exactly what would happen.

I am also not a fan of the all-inclusive spa hotel-resorts, but some people definitely seem to be. As a matter of fact, I overheard the following conversation between a mother and her teenage daughter while on one of the ski lifts (not replicated/translated exactly but close enough):

Mother: “Will you be going clubbing again tonight?”
Daughter: “I don’t know. I don’t really feel like it but I am sure [mentions friend’s name] will want to and will drag us all along with her. I don’t understand what the big deal is about going out when you have everything in the hotel – bar, restaurant, club, sauna…It’s ridiculous. Last night, we spent 2 hours walking around trying to find a place. I mean, there I was, just out of the spa, my face pores open and everything, and I am walking around in the freezing cold. I really don’t understand her [referring to the same friend who constantly wants to go clubbing outside of the hotel].”

I had to laugh under my breath. If teenagers don’t want to go out to clubs, I really don’t know what this world has come to :) Yes, let’s all just spend our time in the hotel. In fact, why don’t we make the suggestion that they build indoor ski runs as well…that way, we wouldn’t need to leave the hotel even to go skiing.

Otherwise, Sofia is the same as I remember it from the summer…except slightly more depressing due to the gray and often foggy winter weather. The malls are still the highlight, with people doing almost everything “at the mall”—from clothes and grocery shopping, to going to movies, to banking, bowling, and even eating out. Someone told me that another 16 malls will be constructed in and around Sofia. I find that very hard to believe, but even the thought of 5 more malls horrifies me. I didn’t really visit any new nightlife spots, but the nightlife is as lively as ever with bars, restaurants, and clubs filled at most hours of day and night. The sponsored Christmas decorations from last year are still around, including the Husqvarna Christmas tree next to the Bulgarian National Bank, and have even increased in number. (For those who might not be in the know, Husqvarna makes tree-cutting machinery, so it is quite ironic that they sponsor an uncut Christmas tree in Sofia.) Taxi fares have also increased; the night rate now runs 60 to 70 stotinki per km, and the scam taxi companies that charge double or triple the fare and disguise themselves as the regulars are also still around. So, pay close attention if hailing a cab in Sofia, especially in bad weather when cabs are scarcer.

And remember, patience is a virtue :)

Sofia Street Survival

Before hitting the Sofia streets these days make sure you pack your watertight boots and a big dose of patience. I was really excited to see so much snow, especially after last year’s snowless winter. I still am, but there is no doubt that the snow makes getting around Sofia (whether by car or on foot) all that more difficult. Given that I walk almost everywhere in the city center these days, I will speak from the pedestrian’s perspective.

Sidewalks are hardly ever cleared (as most Bulgarians already know) so you have to constantly watch your step. You also have to watch out for the occasional slippery surface that catches you off-guard—жълтите павета (the yellow pavement in parts of the city center), fancy marble tiles in front of fancy locales that are as smooth as ice and just as slippery, pothole-“traps” disguised in snow that your feet sink into, and so forth. Add to that the mush you have to trod through or watch out not to get thrown on you from passing cars and you get the picture. Luckily I am not in a hurry these days, so I make small steps, waddling slowly all bundled up (and feeling like a giant snowman in the process), and take everything from the humorous angle. But if I had to go through this all winter, it probably wouldn’t be quite so amusing.

We came to the conclusion with friends today that the only sidewalk that is constantly and meticulously cleared is the one in front of the U.S. Embassy…no big surprise. I think I am also beginning to appreciate the Wellingtons I made fun of a while back. They would be perfect for the current sidewalk conditions.

Heartwarming Scenes from Bulgaria

1. My grandfather taking his medicine with a sip of wine (behind my grandmother’s back, of course).

2. The snow-covered trees in Борисовата Градина (one of Sofia’s biggest parks).

3. Reminiscing with one of my best friends that if it had not been for a certain Orbital concert we may never have met.

4. Finally having parts of my U.S. and BG worlds intersect (i.e., Bulgarian friends from the U.S. meeting some of my high-school friends).

5. The sound of the national anthem and dancing дунавско хоро after the countdown to midnight on New Year’s Eve (however corny it may sound).