To support or not support strangers' drinking?
An interesting thing happened today. I was waiting for a friend at a central location in Sofia (Попа), when a young guy (seemingly of high school age) approached me with the words:
"Baby, I don't mean to be a nuisance... actually, that is the last thing that I want to be--annoying--but do you happen to have 17 stotinki to contribute for a bottle of rakia?"
I could clearly see the guy was already pretty drunk. I didn't want to be entirely rude and just tell him to "f*** off" because I rarely say that to anyone as it is, but also despite the small sum of money he was requesting, I wasn't quite sure I wanted to contribute to his drunkenness. Dilemma... so I decided to stall. And asked him, "So, 17 stotinki is all you need to buy a bottle of rakia?" He explained that he could ask for 50, but that I most likely won't give them to him, so instead he decided to shoot for a more negligible sum, making it less likely for me to refuse.
Me: "Are you sure you need more rakia?"
Guy: "Yes."
Me: "Why?"
Guy: "Well, why not. I am only hurting myself. I am not doing anything bad to anyone else. Is it better if I went around shooting people?"
Me (slightly confused at the rationale): "That's not the point."
Guy (growing slightly exasperated): "What is the point?"
Me: "Why do you need to hurt yourself to begin with?"
Guy (slightly startled by the question; doesn't answer right away): "... Well, why not? What does that concern you?"
Me: "I guess nothing, but I don't know if I want to be supporting someone else's drinking habits."
We get interrupted by an older man (also reeking of alcohol) who urgently needs to talk to the young guy. He asks me whether I would excuse him (the young guy) for a second. I laugh to myself at this quite absurd scenario: a guy is asking me for money and I need to excuse him while he steps away and stops asking me for money (???). Anyhow... I can see that the young guy has grown quite desperate at this point. He has been talking to me for 5 mins and he seems no closer to getting the money. Yet, I haven't straight out refused to give it to him either. In one last desperate shot he asks:
"So, will you or won't you give me the money?"
Me: "Well, first go see what that man so desperately needs from you. And then if you still need it, come back and I will give it to you."
Guy: "No, give it to me now, before I go talk to him."
Me: "I don't think you are in a position to set conditions for me."
Guy: "Man, I have been talking my ass off for the past 10 minutes... and for what? for 20 stotinki. Fine, don't give it to me then."
And he walked away.
I know someone else will probably give him the money or, if not, he will still find a way to buy his bottle of rakia. However, it felt good not to support someone else's excessive drinking (which, judging from the conversation, seems to happen on a regular basis), and without even having to directly refuse to give him the money. In the end I figured he didn't want it that badly, if he gave up that easily. I know some of you may think that I was being too moral and spoiled a guy's chance to have a good time... well, guess the angel in me won this battle.
5 comments:
You have the right to choose not to give him the money to buy rakia, but I am not sure you had the right to moralize the guy and judge him. It's his choice, and that's none of anybody's business.
When homeless people beg me for spare change, I try to refuse firmly but kindly, I usually say "not today" or something, even if what I really mean is "get a job/start using condoms/stop boozing". It's really not my place to judge them. What do you think about that?
People should (and, in fact, most do, despite predefined 'morals') support what they believe in. The world as a whole balances out anyway, so there's nothing to worry about.
Anonymous #1:
You are right to say I shouldn't moralize him... and I wasn't really trying to do that. I can't really say I had a goal in mind when I started talking to the guy, but as the conversation continued, I would say I tried to make him stop and think about his actions. And, yes, if even after considering why he needed more booze, he still wanted the money, I would have given it to him, as I told him in the end. I think people should think about why they take certain actions or make certain choices...there is something underneath all that that makes them act a certain way. And people who get excessively drunk on a regular basis, do so for a reason. Why not stop and consider what the underlying problem is instead of treating the symptoms. I realize it's a whole lot more complicated than that, and this discussion could go on forever, but that was my justification. I wasn't trying to judge him (although it may have come across that way in the end); just wanted to make him think.
Anonymous #2:
I agree with that, and I have no problem with people taking a different position or having a different viewpoint. That's the way it should be.
hahaha,
nice.
I think you were right to not give him money and stick to your principles.
I think it was okay to judge him, maybe not overtly, but only in your head.
In many situations like this, the one being asked for money frequently feels used, as the one that asks him/her has predetermined that they have a bigger chance to score with him/her, because he/she looks naive, benevolent, etc. That very feeling of being used provokes a natural resistance in people. Plus the rakia will not solve that guy's problems anyway. It's the typical teenage mentality, I am doing this to myself, why should you care, don't judge me.
I am curious to know what was the word he used for "baby", was it "kako"? :)
concerned: thanks! and as to your question, the word was "мацка" :)
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