Nostalgic

Tonight, for the first time in a very long time, I felt nostalgic about not being in college. I never thought I would actually say this since I have been so enamored with grad school so far, but it's true.

I went to a Indian dance performance on campus tonight. It was (as a classmate of mine put it) "punjabitastic". As the lights dimmed and the dancers took up their positions on stage for the first choreography, someone from the audience suddenly yelled out, "Yeah, Rohan!" This was followed by several other similar calls addressed to different dancers. At first, I found this annoying. Having most recently seen only professional performances, I had gotten used to the common courtesy of observing complete silence when in the audience. But then I realized that the audience was simply offering their support for their friends who had been rehearsing for weeks, and perhaps even months, to put this performance together. And I felt a pang of nostalgia. In that moment, all those undergrads seemed so carefree and tightly bonded. At that moment, those things felt very far from my own life right now.

It would be fantastic to have another four years to bond with people when you are just starting out on the road to responsibilities and adulthood. A time when you are learning more about yourself, exploring many different options, and focusing on the friendships. Instead of worrying about whether you will get a job, what kind of job would be best, or what your longer-term plan should be. Instead of having to schedule time for friends weeks in advance and having everything run on a planner and feel choreographed somehow.

I guess, when it boils down to it, I just miss being more spontaneous.