Waiting for the End

Four days and three exams separate me from the summer (and what I termed as freedom, while counting down the days). And happy as I am that the school work will finally be over for a few months, on the one hand, I also find myself somewhat sad and pensive. I am left with thoughts about a few things:
1) How quickly the year flew by - it seems like yesterday that I first arrived, cliche or not. Did I make optimal use of my time here? Probably not, especially this semester, which was spent mostly "putting out fires" instead of looking ahead. Hope to be better about this next year.
2) How I will miss people that I have gotten to know here especially those I may not see at all next year (because they will be taking a year out to work). I guess, this has happened at every place and every stage of my education, but it's great to feel like you have a circle of friends you can lean on in both good and bad times.
3) That I have learned quite a bit, although I am still not certain as to exactly what I want to do after graduating (thankfully, still a year away). The coursework and conversations with people have opened my eyes to many more interesting opportunities, which of course comes with the burden of trying to narrow them down. Yes, the frequently present burden of choice in this day and age...But that is also what the summer is for. More exploration in a professional setting. Can't wait!
4) That I have gotten to know my strengths and weaknesses even better and was somewhat surprised by some of the findings. By far, I guess I learned that strengths and weaknesses evolve over time and what I used to be strong (or weak) at isn't necessarily the case any longer. Why? I am still to ponder that fact.

Waiting for the end or waiting for the beginning? I guess they often are the same thing.

Nostalgic

Tonight, for the first time in a very long time, I felt nostalgic about not being in college. I never thought I would actually say this since I have been so enamored with grad school so far, but it's true.

I went to a Indian dance performance on campus tonight. It was (as a classmate of mine put it) "punjabitastic". As the lights dimmed and the dancers took up their positions on stage for the first choreography, someone from the audience suddenly yelled out, "Yeah, Rohan!" This was followed by several other similar calls addressed to different dancers. At first, I found this annoying. Having most recently seen only professional performances, I had gotten used to the common courtesy of observing complete silence when in the audience. But then I realized that the audience was simply offering their support for their friends who had been rehearsing for weeks, and perhaps even months, to put this performance together. And I felt a pang of nostalgia. In that moment, all those undergrads seemed so carefree and tightly bonded. At that moment, those things felt very far from my own life right now.

It would be fantastic to have another four years to bond with people when you are just starting out on the road to responsibilities and adulthood. A time when you are learning more about yourself, exploring many different options, and focusing on the friendships. Instead of worrying about whether you will get a job, what kind of job would be best, or what your longer-term plan should be. Instead of having to schedule time for friends weeks in advance and having everything run on a planner and feel choreographed somehow.

I guess, when it boils down to it, I just miss being more spontaneous.

Learning to Pause, Breathe, and Sometimes Take the Easier Road

I have always aimed pretty high in whatever I was doing - whether it be school, work, every-day life. Set high standards and abide by them. This "aiming high" has become so ingrained in me, that I have recently actually had to remind myself that perhaps (just perhaps) it may not always be necessary... or healthy, for that matter.

It is not that I want to slack off or not care or be less motivated. But I have realized that there should be a distinction between the things you set high standards for (those that you presumably care most about, are most interested in, etc.) and those that you set lower standards for (those things that you just need to do but are personally not that invested in). And setting lower standards for some things is actually necessary and often recommended. I know this is all sounding pretty abstract right now. But just in the past two days, I was faced with making some (what to many people will seem pretty) mundane decisions. Whether to take a certain (required) class at the more advanced (i.e., more quantitative) level or simply do the easier track. My initial instinct was to do the former - and challenge myself. But a few days later, I stopped and asked myself the question: Am I doing this because I really want to learn this material or because I don't want to admit "defeat" in taking the easier track? Is it worth spending so much time on class assignments (that will take far longer than the ones for the easier class), when I could be putting this time towards work in the courses I am actually really interested in and excited about? When put in those terms, the answer seemed pretty evident. I should just take the easier track. And, yet, why was it so hard for me to reach that conclusion? Pride? Fear of admitting failure? My inclination to stick it out once I have started something?

Human nature is pretty strange sometimes. I knew the right answer but almost didn't want to admit it to myself. And now that I actually have, I feel a lot better. Note to self: You don't always have to take the hard road, especially if it does not contribute much to your overall journey. Things that probably seem pretty evident to most of you (and, viewed from the outside, seem obvious to me as well), but it also just as amazing how "irrational" we become when bogged down in something.

Second point, although this was just a simple class example, these trade-offs exist in all aspects of life, and I should become better at recognizing and tackling them.

Stress-Relief "Wisdom"

I have found myself complaining and stressing out more about school work over the past week than I normally do, which has been duly noted by some people. At moments, the sheer magnitude of my to-do list and the timeframe within which it must be completed seems large enough to knock me over. But then I pause and think:
1) When else will I get paid to study and take advantage of all these academic resources? (let alone play an EU Commissioner at a mock policy simulation on the landmine ban treaty or investigate whether Fox News swung the 2000 Presidential vote?)
2) Isn't the gratification of being done so much greater after you have been under pressure, constantly doing things, and sleeping insufficiently for a few days?

Yes, I am trying to tell myself that right now :)

Happy First Snow!

To all those in Princeton and the East Coast where it snowed, hope you enjoy those lovely white fluffy flakes. I know I am. I just wish there was more of it. This definitely calls for a walk in the woods (or park if you are in an urban setting).

Let the magic begin.

Things I Miss Right Now

1. My sister.
2. Being able to snuggle up in bed with a good (non-school) book and discuss it with someone close once I have finished reading it.
3. Speaking Bulgarian (doesn't happen to me often these days).
4. Dancing. Sometimes I wish there would be daily dance "stress relief/break from work" sessions with different music playing. I would definitely be a frequent attendee.
5. Being able to stroll through Sofia's city center at night - admire all the lit-up buildings, my favorite fountain in front of the Presidency, knowing that I will be joining friends for drinks and conversation soon (those were some of my best memories from the past year in BG)
6. Theatre in Sofia... the selection is unbelievable.
7. Snow...I really really want to go skiing.
8. Picnics and barbecues in Rock Creek Park (DC).

Guess that is quite a few things.

(Re-)Introducing New Jersey

This may seem like somewhat odd timing for this post, but as I was riding the train from Princeton to NYC this afternoon and gazed out at the scenery flashing by, it suddenly dawned on me how much my opinion (or perhaps more accurate to say - perspective) of New Jersey has changed since I moved to Princeton. Prior to Princeton, my experience of NJ was limited to the NJ Turnpike (NJ's major freeway and the link to DC and NYC) - definitely not pleasant recollections for the most part - and two visits to a campground near the Jersey Shore with friends - a much better experience. On balance, I had a negative view of NJ. In fact, I was really dreading moving here for school. So what has changed?

Well, for one, I have seen much more of NJ (although I would definitely not claim to have seen it all). There are industrial-looking parts (mostly around the NJ Turnpike and in northern Jersey) but there are also parts that include beautiful landscapes - forests, lakes, hills (I had always wondered where the name "Garden State" came from as I had seen nothing "garden-like" about New Jersey; now I sort of understand). Jersey includes some of the worst poverty-stricken cities in the country (Trenton, Newark) but also one of the richest - Princeton. In a sense, it is a state of paradoxes. But I have come to appreciate these different sides to it.

Curiously enough, the other day I heard someone argue that Jersey is one of the best states to live in because it provides proximity to beaches (Jersey Shore), ski resorts (Pennsylvania), and large cities (Philadelphia, NYC, DC). I wouldn't personally go quite as far as claiming it is one of the best places to live, but would concede that this person did actually have somewhat of a point.

A friend of mine - upon learning I had accepted Princeton's offer - continuously teased me that I would become a Jersey girl. I don't think I am quite there yet (or that I ever will be) but I have developed an appreciation for my current state of residence that I previously lacked.

One thing is for sure. Although the fall colors may not quite rival New England's, they are still pretty spectacular. Something I never would have thought about New Jersey before coming to Princeton.

The Fall, the Rain & Midterms

It is dark, gloomy, and cold out.
It is mid-term exams' week.
I have not socialized much with anyone in the past few days, given that I have been cooped up in the library for most of the week.
But, overall, it doesn't feel bad or depressing (something I probably never would have said while in college if faced with the same situation). It feels fine. And actually feels good to just sit down on your a*& and be productive. So, did I just grow up, calm down, and learn not to take things so seriously? Maybe. Or maybe I am simply in denial.

The Gumboot

As the weather has turned rainy, I have noticed the appearance of the gumboot (or Wellington boot) all over campus. Worn only by women (as far as I can tell), gumboots seem to have made a comeback among the young adult population, which I find pretty intriguing given that I last remember wearing them when I was very very young. I remember them mostly being plain colored - yellow, red, pink. Nowadays, it seems that shoe designers are really taking this to the next level: I have seen gumboots of all possible colors, with various designs. I noticed the beginning of this gumboot-wearing trend a year or two ago, but then I would only occasionally see someone wearing them. And even if they did wear them, the person would be pretty casually dressed, so that the gumboots sort of fit the ensemble. Today, I think at least 30-40% of women I saw on campus were wearing them, and some of these women were pretty fashionably dressed otherwise. But then again, who am I to judge gumboots as unfashionable? Maybe that just goes to show how unfashionable I am :)

Recent Happenings

This is more of an update post, for those who try to keep up with what's going on in my life. For those who are bored in reading this, I apologize.

1. We are forming a Bulgarian organization on campus. I was surprised that one didn't exist already. It will be called the Bulgarian Cultural Center, and I may end up being its Vice-President, which is pretty amusing to me :)

2. The weather is still unbelievably hot and humid for this time of year. I am fearing winter may come with a vengeance.

3. We have exams next week (urgh!) but they will be followed by 5 days in Puerto Rico, which I am very excited about!

4. I bought my ticket for winter break - should be in BG Dec 27-Jan 6 (yay!)

5. I am taking Argentine tango lessons, and although it's pretty hard, I love it!

Spicing It Up in Class

So, I love all of my classes. All except one. I won't got into my schedule and syllabi here, but instead try to illustrate what I mean by an anecdote (or several). All first-year students in my program have to take this class; so we are all in it together so to speak. Well, people are so bored in the lectures that we have resorted to all sorts of "measures" to spice things up a bit.

1) Buzzword bingo - people prepare their bingo grids before class, listing words that are likely to come up during the lecture. As a "buzzword" is mentioned by the professor or other students, you cross it off your grid, and this goes on until you get five in a row/column/diagonally. Most of you probably know the deal.

2) Variation of the above - again using the bingo grid, this time though listing the names of classmates you think will raise their hand in class to ask a question or make a comment. Once you get a "bingo" you have to let others who are playing know by raising your hand and asking a question (or making a comment) that incorporates the word "bingo."

3) Word of the week - people come up with a random word that you would probably never use in that class. Whoever manages to incorporate the word into a question or comment they are making, gets points. If you use the word in an even less likely "phrase" (which is also determined ahead of time), you get extra points. The word changes every week. This past week the word was "crunchy", the phrase was "gratuitously crunchy", and the topic of the lecture was electoral systems... and one classmate actually managed to use both the word and the phrase.

Yes, we are that desperate for boredom relief.

Bulgarians at Princeton

So, there are apparently around 40 Bulgarians at Princeton (both grad and undergrad). Although I am used to the fact that we are all over the place, I was still surprised by that fact. I met some of them last Saturday for lunch (at the Bulgarian restaurant in Princeton, of course). They are a pretty diverse bunch, which includes one guy who is half-Bulgarian, half-Namibian. It is pretty endearing to hear someone speak Bulgarian, whom, just from looking at him, you would never assume spoke Bulgarian. But I digress... What I actually wanted to share was that even within this community, in small Princeton, central New Jersey, there are divisions and cliques. I quickly learned that the group I had met didn't really get along or hang out much with another group of Bulgarians....You don't really see that in other immigrant communities, do you? Or at least not to this extent. (I am thinking of Greeks, Turks, Poles, for example.) So why is it that we always find reasons to divide ourselves, rather than unite?

Challenges on the Job

At library this afternoon.

Me: "The scanner doesn't seem to be working."
Girl behind front desk (looking confused): "We have a scanner here?"

Needless to say she could not help me with getting the scanner to work.

Perceptions

A lot can be said about undergraduates' perceptions of grad students. I read somewhere that they refer to some of us as "trolls" - a term that is supposed to illustrate grad guys chasing after undergrad girls. I had heard this and similar stories, but thought, honestly, how bad can their perceptions be?

Well, fast forward to the Argentine tango class that I am taking this semester. At one point I am dancing with an undergrad student and he asks me, "What year are you?" "Grad student, first year," I reply. He gives me this semi-confused, semi-"I-feel-sorry-for-you" type of look and says, "Oh, I thought grad students only studied." (And he was totally serious.)

Hmmm, so, in case you don't already know, I am a boring, trolling graduate student who only studies.

You Know You Are at Princeton When...

1. A huge crowd of graduate students gathers in the grad student bar (D-bar) to watch the premiere of "Beauty and the Geek" in support of a fellow grad student who is actually in the show (yes, starring as one of the geeks).

2. You walk by a Ralph Lauren and Coach store, although you are in a town of fewer than 20,000.

3. You come across the most delicious home-made ice-cream you have ever tasted (incl. flavors such as Jersey melon and sweet basil).

4. You get the feeling there are more wild animals around than students .

5. You keep seeing the word "tiger" everywhere, including on your student ID. (Yup, the tiger is our mascot.)

6. You cannot answer 90% of the questions at the D-bar's monthly quiz night. (The name of Napoleon's horse, anyone?)

7. The gothic-type architecture of all campus buildings throws you off completely and you can't differentiate between a dorm and an academic building. (Never mind that you really do feel as if you are in Harry Potter's world.)

Welcome!

So, it was revealed to me tonight that a few (or perhaps many) of the second-year students in my program have been reading my blog the past couple of weeks. How you ended up here (even before anyone from my year) I have no idea, but welcome. I am happy you are reading it whether you agree with what I write or not (and I know some of you may make fun of what I write down the line, but, hey, that's what having a blog is all about - to get people's reactions and thoughts.) I would love it if you de-lurked yourself at some point by posting a comment, but no pressure:) In the end, all I wanted to say was thanks for reading!

Here Comes the Square Dancer

I was introduced to my first square dancing experience tonight. (Square dance, for those not familiar, has come to be regarded as the U.S. traditional dance and is the official dance in many U.S. states.) Funnily enough, for some reason, square dancing happens quite often in my program, or at least people always seem to mention it in passing. The dancing was fun, but the best part came during one particular dance when you had to find a partner and say to him/her in Russian: "Саша, Саша, раз-два-три." (Translation: "Sasha, Sasha, one-two-three.") And repeat that twice, while also pointing and shaking your finger at your partner (and then do some dance steps). You can just imagine about 75 of us (with a predominant number of Americans) walking around a huge room, finding a partner and then saying "Саша, Саша, раз-два-три" with the finger pointing, and then just carry on dancing. I just burst out laughing. I have no idea who ever thought of that addition to the dance, but it had most people who spoke/could understand Russian in fits, and the rest of the people struggling to remember and pronounce the words. All in all, the evening was a very "cultural" experience for all involved.

Third Week On

This is my third week at Princeton. Somehow though, it seems like I have been here for much much longer. And I mean that in the positive sense - I feel more or less settled in, familiar with the campus and surrounding area, and already have a bunch of people that I can hang out with in my free time. I had definitely expected it to be harder somehow and also hadn't expected to take a liking to Princeton so quickly. Well, either I have just become easily adaptable to all sorts of places or Princeton has that way of drawing you in pretty fast and making you feel at home. I honestly feel as if I have been living here for forever.

I also realized that being in a small town is not that bad. NYC is just an hour away by train and you can easily access the more hectic city life when you choose to. But while at Princeton and on campus, you are free to just focus on learning (both in the literal and more metaphorical sense). It is a bubble of sorts, but I realized that I don't mind being in a bubble for two years. It feels very refreshing. And having most (if not all) people around you be in the same boat (i.e., studying, not working) makes it a lot easier. You are all on a similar schedule, have similar concerns, etc. so you can relate to people a lot better. I think being the only student amongst working friends would be tougher.

Things I want to do this semester (and hopefully continue) outside of school work:

1) Start to climb again - The university is building a new climbing wall (supposed to open sometime in the fall) and it would just be stupid of me not to take advantage of it while I'm here, especially since I love climbing so much. I was reminded of how much I enjoy it this past weekend during our 2-day outdoors trip to nearby Blairstown, where I got the chance to climb an outdoor climbing wall.

2) Return to salsa - I have missed dancing. I didn't do any in Bulgaria. There is supposedly a salsa club on campus, social dances every few weeks and probably a few places in and around Princeton to salsa dance. Definitely want to explore those.

3) Continue with yoga - I am determined to stay dedicated to yoga and try to get a little bit of it in every morning before class. The fact that it energizes me should be a good enough incentive, but laziness can prevail too, so let's see how I do.

Luck or Something Else?

Last week I lost my favorite cardigan. I am normally very good about not losing things, so was even the more pissed off at myself that I lost this particular item of clothing that I really like. I emailed all of my classmates to ask if they had seen it around our academic building, checked in lost & found, but it was nowhere to be found. No-one had seen it. In the end I came to terms with the fact that it was gone for good.

Last Thursday, I was making my way from the dorms to our program's academic building through most of campus - a route that I take to and from the dorms every day, and as I was passing by a bush on the way, something for some reason caught my eye. Something black was draped over the bush. In that split second the thought went through my head, "Why would anyone drape anything over a bush?" And the next split second, I received the signal from my brain that there was a large button on the black draping thing. It made me turn around to look at it again. And another second later I realized why that button had drawn my attention. Because that was the very cardigan that I had lost almost a week earlier. I was speechless. It was lying right there, on that bush. I guess I had dropped it on the way home and someone had draped it over the bush in case "the owner" came back to look for it. Things like that do happen in universities and small towns in the U.S., but still it struck me as almost extraordinary. It was as if someone or something was rewarding me for something by giving me back what I have given up as lost forever.

That small occurrence made my entire day. Guess one should never give up hope even when it comes to more significant things and should keep on believing that extraordinary things can and do happen.

Victory!

Beating two teams of Chinese PhD students at fussball (джаги) with my Peruvian classmate 5 games in a row = priceless!

I knew those random skills would come in handy one day ;)