(Your) Life

I doubt that many people outside of Germany have heard of Soehne Mannheims....To be honest, despite the fact that I have spent (what to most people would be) a considerable amount of time in Germany, I only heard of them this past summer, when passing through Berlin. I can't say I am a big fan. I only heard one song: Dein Leben (Your Life) (the hit at the time). And while it was being repeatedly ingrained in my memory (after all, I kept hearing it everywhere, well, maybe not quite as frequently as Jojo's latest hit, as others can attest ;-) ), the lyrics of the chorus suddenly stood out.

"Kümmer' Dich um dein Leben und dann kümmer' Dich um uns.
Die Schäden können wir beheben, das ist nicht die Kunst.
Wir müssen was bewegen, sonst bewegt sich nix.
Es geht nicht nur um Dein Leben, sondern ob es ein Leben ist."

I thought of at least one person that I wanted to dedicate these words to. Most people, including myself, fall into a state of apathy or depression, pure laziness, or just outright comfort with their current situation. Although realizing that the situation is not optimal, we choose not to do anything about it, or just simply push the thoughts (of "This isn't really what I want") out of our heads. Yet, when you think about it, we don't have much time to just mop around, not getting where we want to get, not doing what we want to do.......after all (pardon the cliche) life is short. I think we all realize this.......yet, why do we sometimes get stuck in a rut that we just can't get out of? Why aren't we moving anything forward and instead just keep treading in one place....

......................... 

Who can refuse life,
when life offers you so much,
or is it just an illusion
we live under--
every day, every hour
spent fighting.... or living.
Do we live?
How can one live?
The road is sometimes steep and hard to follow
and our lights aren't always on...
and we are never really sure what each step will bring--
Fright, confusion, disillusion.
How can it be that we get stuck or get unstuck?
Who is to say what is wrong and what is right?
The way to live
Is there such a thing?
Do we trust or doubt
Who says 'Yes' and who says 'No'
Is there an end or even a beginning?
We just walk
yet we don't want to walk alone
The path is narrow
Sometimes too narrow
And then you think
Is it worth it?
What I'm doing, where I'm walking
Is it me, my path,
or someone else's
Does it make sense?
Does it have to?
Who makes sense?
I don't want to doubt but I do
I want to hope but I can't.
Is the path too narrow?
Do I make it too narrow?
Maybe it's the wrong path altogether.
And the moon smiles to itself--
My life is elsewhere, not here,
just like hers
You fight for it but you can never win
The right fight
The right people
We connect and disconnect
And then we drift--
from shore to shore
never sure where we'll land- permanently
Do I like permanent?
Do I prefer fleeting?
The fleeting moment that is there but then it's passed.
The feeling like you knew it and now you don't.
The wave, the mystery, the spark
It overcomes me and it's gone--
should I chase it?
Can I stop it, reach it, keep it.....
Do I want to?
Old and boring,
will I look or look away
Did you teach me something?
Did I learn?
Did I notice, even see?
"You don't understand!"
The impossibility of being right
and yet knowing I'm not wrong.
The night, the day--they flow, they drift
They tell me everything I need to know
And then it's gone-
I don't know anything.

And I'm alone
The fear returns-
the disillusion.
Who said it'd be easy?
The fake promise of a once dear friend
I never thought I'd think this way.
Have I changed or have you?
Do I care?
Stop looking at me this way!
Your eyes hunt me down
and don't let go
And yet everything is fine
and I smile,
underneath I frown
Why do this?
Why be me?
Why be someone else?
Who is this anyway?
The questions and never the answers.
The disillusion and never the belief,
the hope, the laughter.
I chat and smile and pull my hair back
And you look....
the mirror image of your disillusioned soul
Within me is like within you,
the pain's the same and it grows.
Up and down, left and right-
I trust my instincts.
The way to the truth-
it flows and grabs me,
can't let go
The fight. The day. The night.
Who is crazy?
The way to reach you-
I don't know it
I don't see, understand,
suppose,
what should I suppose?
Supposition and never sure facts.
The pain and uncertainty
And the noise in the background
That's it, I can't take it anymore!
And then what? Nothing.
Nothing and no-one.
And I walk, don't look around
Fear grips me... one day I'll be back-
certain and happy
The right path
The right people
The way.... to the truth
and the daybreak.
Never saying 'bye'.
The wind, your breath, the sound-
of seawater and the warmth
from me, from you-together
And the way is clear-
it's only up.

17 December 2000

Voila

I guess this is official then....